Well, I skipped yesterday on accident. Too busy working and hanging out with my girlfriend. I’m really addicted to Clicker Heroes and am not at all that into the roast chicken I made. Same recipe as last time. Just not that good. Chicken is too easy to overcook. The amount of flavour and juiciness you need for it to be “just right” makes it more difficult than steak or fish. I haven’t cooked with any meats other than those.
Although, I was recently watching a chef cook a long plank steak. (That’s not the name of the type of steak, I’m just calling it that.) It was a think, long, rectangular-looking steak. When he cut it into little strips and those came out medium-rare, I was almost envious. It looked so good.
On that note, I recall going to Longhorn Steakhouse. I’ve tried most of their types of steak. I’m going to be honest, I’m not a New York Strip fan. Too fatty. I didn’t feel as though I was getting what I wanted to pay for – which is just a lot of steak, not just steak that’s fatty and full of flavour. I have also tried the T-Bone, which, when I cooked at home, was the best steak I’ve made. (I just cut the meat off the bone and ended up with a filet and a strip.) I honestly think the long, rectangular-type steak I tried from them initially – and I did this for budget reasons – was the best steak I’d had from them. It’s crazy, because there’s a lot of good talk about the other types of steaks. To be fair, I haven’t tried their sirloin because of the price. But the other steaks I’ve bought for variety’s steak just didn’t come out that great medium-rare. The budget steak, however, came out absolutely marvelous.
I’ve been addicted to Clicker Heroes, almost quite literally. I got home around 4 AM early yesterday morning, and 1:30 AM this morning. I stay up late playing that game and hanging out with Ji-un.
Ji-un and I watched a whole bunch of animated shorts on Newgrounds.com. I’m glad she finds them entertaining. Not a lot of people do. I feel boring sometimes – but I’m realizing that’s not true – just not a lot of people with the same interests as me. I like dancing, cooking, going outside, playing, etc., but not all of the time. My most of the time is spent in-doors reading or working. It’s true. I do cook a lot more than I used to, and when I show my food to other people, they are very impressed. Of course, I’m no where near as good a cook as some other people I know. It’s sad so few people can cook well! We need food to live, breathe, function, etc.
It’s just that after cooking that chicken, I’m a little demotivated to cook any big meals. It’s sad to know that you can put so much effort into a meal and it still comes out poorly… 😦
Oh, back to Ji-un. Yes, she liked the shorts. She liked most of my favorite animations. We had fun. I like her. A lot xD
None of my other friends are really talking to me. Interestingly enough, though, I messaged my old friend Anthony Williams. He’s now a security guard and recently got a job doing maintenance. It’s interesting that he’s such a nice guy. Hard to imagine him working security, even though he is super-fricken-buff. I mean it. He’s a nerd, and a very strong nerd. He’s having a baby soon enough, and he’s doing the thing men do and preparing for his child. Working hard, staying focused, happy just to be employed so he can support his family. We video chatted using Google Hangouts, which was cool that I can do that on my phone. I was cleaning the apartment hoping that Ji-un could come over, but because of our schedules, I probably won’t see her for another week. At least, not at my apartment… 🙂
Additional expenses keep coming up. Baby mama’s air mattress seems to be permanently deflating. Her library card has an overage on it. Had to get her a new phone because her old one got very wet. Just, stuff. At least with the new phone, I purchased insurance in case water damage happens again. Oh, and my vacuum cleaner suddenly refused to keep running while I was in the middle of vacuuming. Haven’t been able to turn it on since. Thankfully, I was able to get most of the apartment vacuumed. Hopefully, Ji-un will find my apartment acceptable, although I did have to spray one of my cabinets and all of my baseboards because I saw some ants by my food. Thankfully, not a lot though! They were just hunting. But I’ve decided that everything is going to have to be in plastic bags if it’s reasonably exposed. Ex: Potatoes, onions, garlic.
Ji-un and I also went around the pond. We are doing more and more together. Unfortunately, it’s kind of risky. But we like each other a lot. I’m glad for that. Someone I’m so attracted to who I like so much and who likes me. I don’t usually get all of those in the same person.
The new office space at my company is great. I still have the family photo of Skye and I together on my desk. I don’t think I’ll be getting rid of those. It has been very strange, though, to be moving on and still being so close to Skye. I really do love and care about her, but when someone else holds onto your heart, it years to be held by only one. Two people cannot hold a heart at once, or at least I haven’t found them able to, they only tear it.
It’s not a romantic tear. Skye and I are over. But she is my source of real intimacy. The person who I’ve known for a long time, given my heart, mind, soul, intimate secrets and my open, naked self to. She doesn’t think I have because I still do keep a lot to myself. However, she brought me closer to God.
I need to focus on God more in my life. If the Lord has blessed me with a beautiful woman – and Lord, I do hope that this woman is of You – then I need to not let my ego get ahead of myself. Having satisfaction in life does not mean I should stop praising God, ignoring that He exists and has done all of these things for me, just because I seem to be doing fine on my own. That is not the case. Spiritual warfare is still occurring, and I suffer because of that. I need to strengthen my spirit, strengthen my guard. Ji-un is a Christian Protestant, which I like because it makes us largely religiously compatible. That caught me offguard because she’s Asian, and I often find them more carefree and caring less about God than other races… But it is very nice and feels like a blessing. I hope she is open to and can accept the spiritual side of me.
Intellectually, I haven’t had time to go over any of the online courses I’ve signed up for, but this is typical of me 🙂
Work has been going well, though. I finally caught up. I’m very tired. Getting only a few hours of sleep a night. Not eating so much, although I am eating. Not showering as much as I should, although I do shower. Just… worn out. Things happen when I have time to do them.
I’m not too upset about it, though. I like doing a lot at once. It makes my brain feel very worn out and tired, and even a little anxious because the stress causes my mind to just feel… strange, like if I work this hard mentally when I’m older it will lead to mental disease or something. However, it’s how I want to live. I like my mind always firing because that means I’m busy doing a lot of things, hopefully things I like, mentally. Of course, I also like my mind being relaxed. I just don’t have much time for that these days!
The good thing is, I’m catching up on work and I don’t feel like my life is just baby, shower, work, sleep. It’s at least baby, shower, work, sleep, girlfriend, and this stupid online game Clicker Heroes that I am enjoying playing.
I will eventually feel like Clicker Heroes is a complete waste of my time, however, once I begin to get upset that my life is just baby, shower, work, sleep, girlfriend, stupid online game, and NOT something more intensely intellectual like studying how Linux works, Calculus or Compilers/Scheme. That is a little sad and disappointing. I think that, however, is truly at the limit of my time. What I’m doing right now is barely giving me any sleep. Adding exercise and theory on top of that would just be too much.
Yes, exercise would give me more energy eventually, but with how intensive many of my tasks are, I simply do not have the food, time or metabolism to EAT as much as I need to power that. I am at my wit’s end with that. Unless a magical food fairy appears and starts feeding me whatever my body thinks it can take at any given moment throughout the day, without that thing making me so full that I feel too tired to work, or eating taking too much time that I actually lose productivity, this is probably the best I can do for a while.
But life is good.
Instead of wondering when the next time I’ll be able to save $10,000, I pretty much believe that is going to happen.
Now, I’m wondering when I’ll be able to save $30,000 or $60,000.
I’d really prefer $60,000 over $30,000. $30,000 is nice, but that’s more for security, a new car, etc. Aka fearlessness, but not freedom. I still have the fear of becoming unemployed at that point. Even if I lost my employment, I could get into consulting, but $60,000 could buy me actual freedom. It would give me a year or two to focus on me. Exercise, studying, theory, and also branching out more into art, dance, and consulting/web design. It would still be A LOT of work. Unfortunately, a LOT of work is usually necessary when you want to go out and do your own thing. There is no safety net of management doing things for you. However, $60,000 vs $30,000 means I could take a few months off to just spend with my family… Work and study part time, and be a full-time dad. Instead of a full-time employee and less-than-part-time dad like I am now.
I think about that kind of stuff a lot. How should I spend my time. Break it up if I ever have enough money to buy myself some free time. Hm, something to ponder on. However, I would like a RIGOROUS answer to this question before I do something crazy like try and do it on my own or only work part-time. Or do something even dumber like invest in stocks and lose all of the money I’ve saved 🙂 I mean, seriously, with my baby mama, girlfriend, daughter, career, personal interests, etc. you could give me $1,000,000 and I’d still ask these questions. Not having freedom sucks because there’s always something else you want to do.
But I want to do A LOT of things. (I say a lot a lot, huh? But it’s true.)
So then once money is no longer an issue, mortality comes in.
The truth is, you really need to focus on what’s important no matter how much freedom you have. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself with regret. FOCUS on what’s important, but that doesn’t mean you can’t branch out and do other things in the mean-time. Ex: I could still work part-time, even with $60,000 in the bank, spend additional time with my daughter, actually FINISH one of my online courses or text-books, exercise and study web design to move toward consulting. Truthfully, I could do a lot with 20 hours extra a week. You have to be able to. That level of productivity is essential when you want to be free, and also not have regrets over spending your extra time poorly (ex: not on my daughter) or not being productive (ex: all of the time passes, my money runs out, and I still don’t know how to modify WordPress sites).
It’s all about balance.
Let me say that again so that *I* remember. This is important.
It’s all about balance.